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Which is not to say I disliked it. Despite a semi-chaotic plot and an ending that makes very little sense, I do enjoy the novel.

Well, money. But who exactly thought that a good adaptation was even a feasible option here? I kind of feel like the filmmakers were setting themselves up for failure.

On a second viewing, I can actually say that he is not quite as bad as I remember him being. Sadly, that was not this movie.

Of course, Lewis was Oscar material compared to his costar, Thomas Jane. I can only assume the conversation went something like this:.

Mom: I think you should take that part in Dreamcatcher. I have said and will continue to maintain that Timothy Olyphant is easily the best part about this movie, if only because he manages to bring some semblance of personality to his character.

And besides, I buy his slightly creepy, psychic car salesman thing. Poor Jason Lee. It sticks out like a sore thumb, a sore, gangrenous, smelly thumb.

His Kurtz is just so blah. And talk about characters who have lost any semblance of personality. Oh, Duddits. Donnie Wahlberg is not quite as awful or offensive as I was expecting him to be, if only because most of his time is spent trying not to die in the backseat of a car.

Every character in this movie is fairly incompetent. Henry, for instance, is probably the worst shrink in the world.

Henry accidentally shoots a wall in this movie. A wall. No one comes running to check on him, presumably because everyone in his office building hates him and wants him to die.

The military are also completely useless at their jobs. Transitions are a major problem in this movie.

For instance, there are a handful of flashbacks that, while a bit clunky, are mostly acceptable. The movie never bothers to tell you who this girl is, or why the boys suddenly come up with their mission to save her, or how they even know she can be saved.

Like, what? There are these things called shitweasels. But, you know. But CGI Mr. That being said, these catchphrases are all so forced that it kind of ruins the whole effect.

You could substitute SSDD with almost anything—five by five, maybe—-and it would change almost nothing. The dialogue becomes completely arbitrary.

Yes, my memory warehouse is the cabin from Evil Dead. Necronomicon included. One of my pet peeves: when characters know, suspect, or fear something that they have absolutely no cause to know, suspect, or fear.

More on that in the Spoiler Section, of course. If you watched the Memory Warehouse scene, you might have figured it out.

Or not. Mostly miss. Do you need more convincing that this was a terrible movie? Crave mockery in more detail? Follow below where there will be spoilers for both the novel and the film.

So we first meet all the friends in their miserable little lives. I get why the woman was creeped out, but honestly, if I had a man who could find my keys every time I lost them.

Henry is the worst shrink in the universe. In the novel, Henry does this. Well, anyway. Jonesy gets hit by a car, dies in the ambulance, and gets brought back to life.

Jonesy, Pete, Henry, and Beaver have all made it up to their hunting lodge. While Pete and Henry go off for beer, a guy named Rick stumbles up to their cabin.

Rick has been lost in the woods for awhile, but more importantly, his belly is distended and huge. I could, for example, mention the part where Thomas Jane uses Tom Sizemore's gun to talk psychically with the possessed Damien Lewis.

I could bring up the bizarre profanities the four friends use as in-jokes, including "bite my bag," "kiss my bender," and my personal favorite, "fuck me Freddy.

But that's not the point of this column. The point of this column is calling attention to one very important fact -- this movie was not made by hacks.

James Newton Howard is by far one of my favorite composers. ILM is at the top of its game. Jason Lee and Timothy Olyphant are respected character actors with a number of awesome films in their past okay, not counting A Guy Thing or Scream 2.

Damien Lewis and Thomas Jane have established theater careers and blossoming film potential. Everybody loves Morgan Freeman.

And the damn thing is written by Lawrence Kasdan and William Goldman, arguably two of the best screenwriters in the business, and directed by Kasdan himself, who's no novice behind the camera.

But how does this much talent, with countless Oscar nominations and careers of success, end up coming together to make a movie about aliens that fart out from peoples' asses?

I mean, HOW? I wasn't sure of the answer myself until I sat down with the DVD featurettes, watching the interview with Stephen King conducted right after he'd seen a rough cut of the movie.

He talks about his accident hey, did you know that Stephen King was hit by a car? Did you? And then he talks about what inspired him to write Dreamcatcher : "I wanted to write a story that was pretty much set in one cabin Jim : Fuck me?

Is that what you wanna do? I gotta go to work tomorrow! Get the hell of my property! Gord Brody : Dad, what the fuck, he hurt his leg! Jim : Why's everybody screaming like a banshee?

Jim : Jesus Christ. Jim : Well, get him a job! Jim : Stop that, what the hell do you think you're doing? Jim : Get out of the toilet!

Jim : Where the fuck is the water? Gord Brody : This is "Little Timmy". He gets us food and stuff. Right, Little Timmy? Jim : What the fuck is going on, Gord?

Why aren't you at your new job? Gord Brody : What are you talking about, Timmy? Jim : Gord There ain't no big computer job You're just gallivantin' around in my suit pretending to be some kind of mover 'n shaker aren't you?

Gord : Ahhh Freddy Brody : Is that um Jim : That's your big brother. He couldn't handle the complexities of making a cheese sandwich, so now he's back here at home with us How much water is he gonna use?

Freddy Brody : How much is he gonna use? All of it? Save some for the fish or something. Right, Pop?

Ha ha ha. Jim : What are you looking at

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Fuck Me Freddy Video

Fuck Me Freddy

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